Toilet Training / Night Training
1.0 NIGHT TRAINING - DON'T DELAY!
After Day Training comes Night Training. This often scares parents – a lot. Because of this, there is a tendency to leave night training longer and longer. This game plan to keep the nappy or worse – pull up – on for years after they have finished day training, hoping that their child will just become “dry in their own time” – you’ve heard the tv ads – without any help or direction towards staying dry, really does not make sense. The fact that we are making it near impossible for our child to determine if they are wet by keeping the nappy on is the most bizarre element of the process. Hope they just miraculously get it without help and do everything physically possible to make sure they fail to boot. No wonder our children are struggling. No wonder they are making nappies for 8-15 year olds if you listen to this nappy industry marketing.
2.0 KNOWLEDGE IS THE KEY
The solution is in the understanding of what needs to happen and the right tools to make the process as easy as possible. If we have the right knowledge it helps develop the correct game plan to give our children the best chance to succeed. With a game plan you will have the confidence to start night training sooner than later. With the correct information you will do the right things in order to succeed. Keep practicing a bad habit will just guarantee failure.
3.0 WHAT IS NOCTURNAL ENURESIS?
Let’s look first the definition of the challenge so we get a better understanding of what we are dealing with. This definition is straight from Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_enuresis)
“Nocturnal enuresis or nighttime urinary incontinence, commonly called bedwetting or sleepwetting, is involuntary urination while asleep after the age at which bladder control usually occurs. Nocturnal enuresis is considered primary (PNE) when a child has not yet had a prolonged period of being dry. Secondary nocturnal enuresis (SNE) is when a child or adult begins wetting again after having stayed dry.
Bedwetting is the most common childhood urologic complaint and one of the most common pediatric-health issues. Most bedwetting, however, is just a developmental delay—not an emotional problem or physical illness. Only a small percentage (5% to 10%) of bedwetting cases are caused by specific medical situations. Bedwetting is frequently associated with a family history of the condition.
Most girls can stay dry by age six and most boys stay dry by age seven. By ten years old, 95% of children are dry at night.”
4.0 DO I WANT TO BE PROACTIVE OR REACTIVE IN MY APPROACH TO NIGHT TRAINING?
This is where you need to decide whether you are happy with go with the flow and run with those statistics or take action. Are you happy to go with “as long as my child is dry by six years old.” I don’t know about you, but as a parent, to be told that it is “common” and thus normal for your child to be wetting the bed at three, four and five years old because a large percentage of the population are still doing it, is not acceptable for me. Firstly, why would I want my child to experience this and secondly, why would I want to. Bedwetting effects everyone in the household unfortunately, and compounding the problem is lack of sleep to escalate the emotional turmoil involved.
Thus, your decision needs to be, do I want to proceed with a reactive or proactive approach? The difference being “Reactive” – letting it happen - acting in response to a situation rather than creating or controlling it or “Proactive” – taking charge and actively working towards a positive outcome. Leaving the nappy on, hoping your child will become dry in their own time – reactive. Making sure you are doing everything possible to help your child succeed with the focused goal of consistent dry nights – Proactive.
5.0 WHAT ABOUT FACTORS OUTSIDE OF MY CHILD’S CONTROL?
The challenge with night training is there are certain factors that can affect and delay the process that are "out of the control" of the individual. If your child has limited or no control over the situation, how can doing anything help?
The key three factors that can be out of your child's control includes:
1. Heriditary - As discussed, if Mum or Dad were late bedwetters there is a strong chance that your child will too.
""The majority of bedwetting is inherited," says Bennett. "For three out of four kids, either a parent or a first-degree relative also wet the bed in childhood." Scientists have even located some of the specific genes that lead to delayed nighttime bladder control. (For the record, they're on chromosome 13, 12, and 8.)" (http://www.webmd.com/children/features/bedwetting-causes)
2. Deep Sleep - If your child sleeps deeply then it is harder for them to wake up when their body signals that their bladder is full.
""Families have been telling us for years that their children who wet the bed sleep more deeply than their kids that don't," says Bennett. Research confirms the link. "Some of these children sleep so deeply, their brain doesn't get the signal that their bladder is full."" (http://www.webmd.com/children/features/bedwetting-causes)
3. Hormonal - The hormone ADH (Anti-diuretic Hormone) stops the overproduction of urine at nights - so we don't produce the same amount as when we are awake. If this hormone is low in your child then too much urine can be produced.
"Low anti-diuretic hormone (ADH). This hormone tells the kidneys to make less urine. Studies show that some kids who wet the bed release less of this hormone while asleep. More urine can mean more bedwetting." (http://www.webmd.com/children/features/bedwetting-causes)
SO IF IT IS OUT OF MY CHILD'S CONTROL THERE REALLY IS NOTHING I CAN DO?
This is where I am a firm believer of the following:
- DON’T BECOME A STATISTIC - Just because statistically you are told it will be difficult to do - don't become just another statistic.
- KEEP REINFORCING THE BAD HABIT - Adding a BAD HABIT of using a nappy into the mix is absolutely guaranteed not to help but instead hinder and ESCALATE established difficulties.
- PRACTICE THE GOOD HABIT - Practicing a GOOD HABIT will ensure you are moving positively forward rather than negatively backwards.
Let's look at this in more detail to help provide a great understanding.
1. DON'T BECOME A STATISTIC
My Mum was told that she couldn't have children. She had a cyst on her ovaries that burst, leaving her with only half an ovary. The week she was told that she was receiving twin boys for adoption, she found out she was pregnant with me. She went on to have another child after me as well. When it comes to the body it is an amazing creation. You can't always believe that what should happen, based on statistics, will come true. There would be hundreds of thousands of stories just like this that defies the odds. Just because you are told that night training will be delayed for your child as they have one or more circumstances going against them, you don't have to accept it. They can defy the odds too.
2. KEEP REINFORCING THE BAD HABIT
Unfortunately when parents tell me the very good reasons why their child is going to be delayed, the alarm bells start because what they are telling me is the reason why they are not even trying to help them stay dry at nights. To give up before you even start, is guaranteeing you will indeed fail. Crazy as this seems, people are often happy with this because it meant they were "right"! It is absurd to not see the reality of what is happening and the disadvantage for the child. If you don't try, of course you will not get success. If you keep repeating a bad habit, of course your child will get better at the wrong things. It certainly makes it a lot harder anyway for your child to succeed if you don't even give them the opportunity to do so in the first place.
3. PRACTICE THE GOOD HABIT
If we want to get better at something... practice, practice, practice. Giving your child a bike to ride for the first time and only allowing one or two attempts to get it right, will mean it is highly unlikely they will become a good at riding a bike. The same goes with night training. Often parents attempt the process for a couple of nights then give up and put the nappy back on because their child keeps wetting. Think about a skill that you needed to learn whether it be through work or sport or even raising children. If you only attempted a couple of times to master that skill, do you think you would have succeeded? Give your child the opportunity to win, by repeating a good habit over and over so they can start to work out what their body is doing. It is important of course that it is the "good habit" that we are focusing on. If we look at tennis as an example. We will never get good at serving if we are repeatedly doing it incorrectly. We will just get good at serving badly. This is where knowing what constitutes a "good habit" for night training will allow you and your child to get the best results.
6.0 WHEN DO I START NIGHT TRAINING?
Night training and day training are two completely different processes. Day training involves multiple wees and poos a day and a conscious effort to go. Night training usually only involves wees and we have to tap into our subconscious in order to effect the process. This means, while your child is asleep, the subconscious part of the brain needs to trigger the conscious part to advise the body that there is a full bladder and they need either to hold on or get up and go. When you look at the process like that, you can see there is a little more complexity involved. The thing is, we just don’t know how powerful the brain is, so don’t underestimate your child.
7.0 IS THERE A RIGHT AGE TO START?
There is no particular “right” age to start night training. Again, I believe the earlier you start practicing the good habit, common sense prevails that you will get a better result than continuing to reinforce a bad one by relying on the nappy which takes the sensation away making it even harder to break later on.
There are things that can effect and delay night training – out of control factors - but again, reinforcing bad habits is only going to add to these problems not help the process.
The challenge lies in the parent’s belief system that they need to wait for readiness or they should be waiting for a particular age – which is usually defined as “until my child is older” believe it or not, to start the process. I believe this has a lot to do with seeing the 4-5 year olds on the pull up packets as common place, so we ultimately start believing it is not only normal but acceptable to have our children still toilet training at this age.
This was highlighted to me recently when I spoke to a parent and it clicked how drastically our belief system has changed as a society in general. I was speaking with a grandmother and she mentioned that she knew a neighbour way back that used the alarm systems that are still around today to help the child become aware they have wet themselves and thus complete night training. She informed in casual conversation that the child was three years old and the family was using this method as this was considered late for night training. Today, they recommend this at six years old. The age has doubled. The age we are being told to start being concerned is no longer three years of age but now six. Before this age, it is considered normal to still be in a nappy at night. You aren’t meant to seek help until your child is six years old…..Proactive or reactive – your choice.
8.0 SIGNS OF READINESS
Like day training, there are definite signs of readiness you should get going to start night training. And, again like day training, you should not rely on this exclusively in order to start. The obvious readiness signs are:
- Dry nappy in the morning
- Not wanting the nappy on at night – child led
- Waking up to go at night – either dry or wet
Obviously if your child is showing signs of readiness, please don’t hold them back. You are one of the lucky ones so don’t abuse it and leave the nappy on and wait until Summer or other such delay because you think it will be easier. It will be easier for you if your child is ready, so go for it now and count your blessings.
If your child is not showing signs of readiness, then you have a choice. Keep spending a fortune on nappies (at this point, parents usually have switched to the $1.33/nappy - pull ups - and are going all out in throwing money in the bin) or step in and start practicing a good habit in order to help our children be aware and ready. You of course can use a modern cloth nappy, so your child can still feel wet, this is a fine alternative as they are usually waterproof which can help with the sanity. The key is, just like day training, your child needs to feel wet in order to be able to identify the sensation to wake up and go.
FINISH DAY TRAINING FIRST
We recommend that you finish day training first then head straight onto night training. Don’t wait! The reason why finish day first is they then have worked out how to hold on. This obviously helps then with the night training. The key reasons for starting day and night training together is because:
- Parent's choice – some parents just want the benefit of losing the nappy altogether at once to avoid confusion, etc.
- The Poo Challenge – if your child is waiting for the nappy on at night to do their poo in, (or using it early in the morning before waking) you need to lose the nappy to overcome the poo challenge thus, you need to start night training.
So once we finish day training, keep the momentum going. This way, the excitement is still maintained from finishing day, and can help fuel the game plan for night. Plus, the longer we leave our children in nappies, the longer the bad habit is established. This is emphasised more significantly if you have say a laid-back child that is effectively lazy and will relish the ability to just go in their nappy as long as you let them rather than make an effort to get up and go. If you want to make it easier on yourself (and cheaper of course) DON’T DELAY! The nappy industry is relying on this and you hear it in their advertisements “Wait until your child is ready…. they will be dry in their own time…..” blah, blah, blah. This is why they are making nappies for 8-15 year olds. They hope you take their SALES AND MARKETING advice and of course use their product so that delay will be guaranteed. You CANNOT do any form of toilet training whether day or night using a nappy. A pull up, nappy pants, etc are just an overpriced nappy.
9.0 GETTING PREPARED FOR BEST RESULTS
Like day training, there are tools that can help you be prepared and give you the best results. More importantly, when you are prepared, particularly with night training, it will help maintain your sanity. When you add in sleep deprivation dealing with wet sheets at 2am in the morning, you will be extremely thankful for the tools that can get you back to bed as soon as possible to minimise your sleep loss. Being prepared is directly linked to "your attitude" throughout the process which is probably the most important part of night training. So please, help yourself and your child - be prepared. We have done all the research for you and created a Dry Night’s Pack so take advantage of this and go for it!
10.0 KNOW YOUR CHILD'S PERSONALITY
For anyone who has gone through our day program, you will know this is the key to finding solutions that work and work fast. I have covered the four personalities a lot in the last information series, so I won't go into the details again here, but when you dedicate your methods to suit your child, it will of course give you the best results. What this means is you are speaking their language and applying details that count. You don't have to change much, you just need to know the details. It is the very essence of parenting, and you can apply it to EVERY circumstance you need, whether it be day training, night training, eating vegies, doing homework, it works for EVERYTHING. You are getting to the foundation of understanding your child and why they act the way they do. If you don't know this information I highly, highly recommend getting the book Personality Plus for Parents. I consider it the Bible of Parenting. You can do the test included in the book on your husband, your children and yourself and find out the amazing detail of what personalities are in your household. It will explain a lot :) Then the book literally focusses on how to raise your child.... and they know your child. You will read it and wonder who is watching, how do they know. Phenomenal information, insightfully brilliant and will actually help you significantly with night training....and parenting. Do yourself a favour and get this book. You will be an entirely different parent at the end of it.
11.0 BE PREPARED WITH THE RIGHT TOOLS
When we are ready to start night training, the three things you need to look at to be prepared are:
- Effective Game Plan
- Motivation
- Managing Wetness
12.0 EFFECTIVE GAME PLAN
There are various tools that can help you with your game plan for night training:
- Boss of Bladder
- Bedwetting Practical Solutions for Parents
- ZZZzzz Mohdoh for Kidz
Having a game plan is how you will know what to do next. Routine and structure is very important for children and it is even more so when it comes to night training. It comes back to practicing the "good habit" to get results as discussed in yesterday's information. If you continue to repeat a bad habit over and over then it you are likely to actually go backwards with your child. Using common sense proven principles and applying them nightly will help you move forwards.
The key with establishing your game plan, is getting the right information that will bring you success. Before I started night training with my first child Mya, I read a little bit about the brain and how it worked. I then applied particular techniques with her that gave me night time dryness within a week. I then discovered a book called Boss of Bladder by Dr Janet Hall. It basically covered why the techniques I used worked. The best part about it was it had a section in it to read with your child with cartoon pictures to help explain the processes. Working together as a team is the best way to operate, to avoid, "them against us", or your child feeling like they are going through it alone.
ZZZzzz Mohdoh for Kidz
Mohdoh provides three very important things to help overcome bedwetting by:
- Providing a proactive routine for your child to follow rather than just "hoping they will grow out of it".
- Ensuring a good night's sleep by calming the mind and body and helping with respiration resulting in calmer relaxed breathing necessary to sleep well and help with prevention.
- Clarifying and refreshing the mind to help with the essential brain/bladder connection required to stay dry.
13.0 MOTIVATION
Giving your child a reason to get up and go in the middle of the night when it is dark, cold and somewhat scary, becomes a more common sense approach. If there are additional things that will deter your child, you need to give them extra encouragement to make the effort.
The best tools you can use for this are:
- Dumpy or Bella My First Reward Chart
- Night Light
1. Dumpy or Bella My First Reward Chart
This tool can give structure and routine to night training as well as the reason to go. Because it can be used for four goals in the week, it also helps if we aren't having success immediately because we are achieving points and prizes for other things as well. This can be the negative aspect of a Reward Chart that it can be just highlighting the child's failures, but this design overcomes that problem. Plus, the instructions on how to use it most effectively makes it lots of fun and helps maintain interest every day.
2. Night Light
This is important to provide courage for night time independence. If it is pitch black, then your child is less likely to climb out of bed and into the darkness. A night light provides a low ambient light that does not disturb sleep but provides clarity to make it to the toilet without fear or falling over something. In addition to the night light, you can also provide a torch which can be an exciting adventure thrown in, going on the "Quest for the Magic Toilet". It is all in how you sell it.
14.0 MANAGING WETNESS
This is the key to YOUR sanity. There are three tools that can help you here:
- Waterproof Sheet Protector
- Big Kids Waterproof Pants
- Modern Cloth Nappies
1. Waterproof Sheet Protector
The challenge of stripping a bed every night, remaking the bed and washing entire linen is often the reason parents stop night training. So, make it easy on yourself. Use a Waterproof Sheet Protector so that the amount of washing is minimised and the need to remake an entire bed and wash all that linen is eliminated. A Waterproof Sheet Protector goes on TOP of the sheets so that everything underneath stays dry. No more stripping the bed at 2am in the morning. Most parents only have a Waterproof Mattress Protector, which is great for protecting the mattress, but not useful with the actual process of night training. It is still good to have a mattress protector for when you have finished night training to cover an odd accident every now and then, so your mattress doesn't get destroyed.
2. Big Kids Waterproof Pants
Our lovely range of Big Kids Pants have a waterproof layer to help keep the moisture in while your child still feels wet. They are great first undies for your child and they can learn to pull up and pull down with them as well and be a real big kid. They are ultra cute too and a perfect alternative to the pull up nappy which hinders the process. They have a waterproof layer that is designed to catch that one wee. It isn't a nappy. They can't absorb as much liquid as a nappy can. Your child needs to feel wet and uncomfortable in order to successfully toilet train. Particularly at night when being wet needs to wake them. Subsequently, it is beneficial to use the Big Kid Pants in conjunction with the Waterproof Sheet Protector. That way if you child has a big wee, too big for the pants to contain (heavy wetting is one of the main uncontrollable factors with bedwetting) then you are covered with the Waterproof Sheet Protector.
3. Modern Cloth Nappies
This is a great alternative to using a disposabe or pull up nappy, particularly if you have a younger child. The Cushie Tushies Modern Cloth Nappies are waterpoof up to 8 hours, perfect for night time training. So wee, feel wet is still maintained. The Cloth Nappies are a great alternative to losing the nappy and going straight to underpants. Your child still feels wet, but they are waterproof and have great absorbancy, so accidents are contained. The only challenge with the older child is they don't want to wear a nappy any more. This is where the Big Kid Pants are beneficial to feel wet with a waterproof layer to help with containing an accident.
OUR DRY NIGHTS PACK COMBINES THE NECESSARY ELEMENTS TO HELP YOU WITH NIGHT TRAINING
Our Dry Nights Pack gives you the necessary elements to help you work with your child to achieve dry nights. It gives you the three things your need to make the process easier:
1. Game Plan
2. Motivation
3. Managing Wetness
Give your child the best chance to succeed and ensure you are doing all the right things to move positively forward towards conistent dry nights.